Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Stick a fork in me

I just knew that while I was on maternity leave I would be an amazing blogger.  I have all these very important topics to write about and thought that everyone would take a nap at the same time every day and give me some me time to relax and catch up on blogging.  Yeah, not so much.  My days pretty much consist of me barely surviving.  Between bouncing, rocking and nursing a baby who seems to cry nonstop, I try to do a load of laundry here and there, cook a meal or two, run errands and keep the house somewhat picked up.  I need to go back to work just so I can catch a break.

Today was no different from the rest.  I decided that I needed to run a few errands with the 3 little ones while the big one was in school.  First stop was Target.  I lift Beckham out of his carseat and realize that he has a dirty diaper.  (someone really needs to potty train that kid)  I throw him in the back, change his diaper and get everyone else unloaded to head in the store.  Some car alarm starts going off and Beckham freaks out.  Full blown crying fit starts now.  I get in the store, get everyone loaded in the buggy and make my quick run through the clothes department.  I smell something funky.  It's Hendrix diaper.  I pick him up and realize that it's not just a dirty diaper, it's a full blow out.  Yellow mustard poop all the way up his back, in his hair and all over his carseat.  Fantastic.  Don't worry about the fact that he had his weekly bath this morning.

I decide that the bathroom is too far away and just throw my changing pad on the ground between two clothes racks.  For some stupid reason I let Beckham out of the buggy just so he will stop screaming, as long as he promises to stay right by Mommy.  What the hell was I thinking?  Since when does my 2 year old follow directions?  Him and Lola start chasing each other around the clothes racks.  Shoot. Me.  I undress Hendrix, take off his diaper and start to wipe the mustard mess off.  I get him cleaned up and reach for a diaper in my bag.  You guessed it, I don't have one single diaper on me and don't know where the other 2 have run off to.  Oh well, I'll find them later.  I pick up naked, screaming baby (cause that's what he does all day) and run to the diaper aisle and grab a bag of diapers.  On my way back to my setup I spot the other two and grab Beckham under his arm with my deathly (you are in so much trouble) grip, throw Hendrix back on his changing pad, get him put back together and head to the dressing rooms to hide and nurse him so he'll calm down and I'll have a moment to regain my dignity.

This day can't get any worse, right?  After I finished up at Target, it was time for lunch.  We chose Grandy's because who doesn't love cafeteria food?  I get the kids tucked in a booth and get in line to order.  There is some kid behind the counter that I'm pretty sure was kicked out of High School.  One because he looked like a high schooler and two because he had a terrible attitude.  Dude couldn't get my order right so the manager came over to help him.  The kid got mad because the manager was griping at him, so he threw his name badge on the counter and walked out.  Can someone just finish taking my order, please?  I walk back over to the kids with their drinks and what has my son done?  Poured out the entire salt and pepper shakers all over the table and is playing in it.  Stick a fork in me... I'm done.


  1. holy crap! #mommyneedswine

  2. Holly, I cannot stop laughing!!!!! You are truly a gifted writer, not to mention being a VERY gifted mama - hair stylist - etc., etc. Please, please, please - do not even think of not writing a book "someday" - you are gifted - I laughed, laughed, and laughed when I read this~!!


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