You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
My relationship with the Lord is constantly evolving. The older I get and the more he gives me, the more I need him. I literally could not walk through this life without his provision. When you seek him, he will reveal himself to you. I've gotten better about seeking him. In fact, he talks to me quite a bit. Our conversations lately have gone a little something like this...
Me- There is no way I can handle 5 kids and all of their needs be met.
God- Why don't you chill out and accept these blessings I'm giving you, and I will take care of everyone's needs.
Me- I need a bigger car and house. We are growing out of these as I speak and I need more money to make these things happen.
God- How about you be content with what I've given you and quit freaking out about things that don't matter right this minute.
Me- Can't I just have 1 pregnancy that doesn't consist of me wanting to throw my toenails up all day?
God- No, because that means you're cooking a perfectly healthy baby.
Me- You are probably so sick of me and my complaining all the time.
God- Yes, so just be still and know that I am God and that I have your best interest at heart. I have never forsaken you before, and I'm not going to in the future. Quit being such a downer and just trust me.
I'm sure God doesn't really talk like this, but this is how he talks in my head. We have these little conversations everyday and everyday he reassures me that he's got this under control. I don't need to worry because it isn't going to add one second to my life. I don't need to listen to all the worldly views of having a huge family. He's the only one I have to answer to. I don't have to have a ton of money because Jesus could come back tomorrow and everything I own be left behind. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to rely on him. He knows I'm jacked up and he loves me anyway.
I read a very simple, but powerful devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Everyday speaks directly to my soul. This was one day last week and I am still referring to it. So good.
Come to me, and rest in My loving Presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you--now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to Me, and relax in My Peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust.
Amen to that!